So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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