I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
