Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
