ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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