We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
