is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
