We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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