Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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