i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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