"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
