we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
