this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need to calm my uterus...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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