Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
