I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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