I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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