I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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