I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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