Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
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If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize