Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
