Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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