Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
