Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
