Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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