i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It was confusing and full of hummus
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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