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i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
