You just made me feel so damn special
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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