Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize