Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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