She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
