just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
