Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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