I faked an abortion last night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
