my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
