Im at strip club and am horny
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i love accidental penises.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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