When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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