does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
