He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
