Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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