my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
