I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
