can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
