I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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