do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
someone owes me an orgasm
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
