i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
