yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
