got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
