I hate all girls vehemently.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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