I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
