I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
