Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
