dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
