never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
