I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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