I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
