he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
