I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The struggles of a small town man whore
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
