can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
