I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think people are normalizing furries
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
