Say something about gay babies.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
