We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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