Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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