Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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