Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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