Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
